We all have favorite things to do and places to go. After a period of time in a relationship, couples fall into the habit of a comfortable routine. Certain activities are crossed off the joint "things to do" list because one partner has no interest or enjoyment in doing it.

It can be refreshing and invigorating to occasionally explore new directions where one partner would like to go. While each of you may pursue separate pastimes such as hunting, fishing, bowling or shopping, or going to an auto race, a rodeo, a fashion show, or a play, think of the enhanced enjoyment that could be obtained if you did such activities together, even if only on an occasional basis.

For the partner who is not personally interested in that specific diversion, a certain adjustment in perspective and attitude is required. If you hate the thought of camping in the woods, it will not deepen your relationship to participate with constant complaints about the lack of amenities. If the idea of getting dressed up in uncomfortable clothing and sitting through an opera surrounded by pretentious social climbers is abhorrent to you, then spending the evening complaining about stiff collars, superficial people, and the girth of the singing stars is not going to bring you to a new level of intimacy.

Modify your attitude and your outlook. This is not something you are going to do every weekend. This is a gift to your partner which you are making with love and with respect for your differences. Don't expect to enjoy the event but do decide that you are going to enjoy the pleasure you are giving to the person you love. Try to view the experience through your partner's eyes.

By exuding a positive mood and stifling any complaints, you will generate gratitude and a strong sense of appreciation in your partner.

If you just "don't get it," it's okay. You may never learn to appreciate the pleasures of waking up in the woods on a freezing morning or the exhilaration of reaching the top note in a demanding aria, but you will have a new view of your partner - what makes them tick, what excites them, what please them - that intensifies and broadens your entire relationship.

Virginia Bola, PsyD

Dr. Virginia Bola is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a vocational expert, a social commentator and a self-admitted diet fanatic. After 20 years of owning a vocational rehabilitation company, she is now Manager of Clinical Operations for a major MBHO.

She has authored numerous articles on the psychology of weight control, the emotional correlates of unemployment and job search, social issues, politics, and the graying of America.

Her latest book, completed in June, 2005,is Diet With An Attitude: A Weight Loss Workbook, an interactive manual providing the reader with personal guidance and encouragement in the battle to lose weight. It takes an irreverent approach to dieting while providing innovative and therapeutic exercises for self-exploration, confidence-building and emotional self-support.

Her earlier book, The Wolf At The Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, provides unemployed workers with therapeutic exercises, self-exploration, and confidence-building worksheets combined with specific, step-by-step techniques for finding work.