THE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES AND MESSAGES
THAT LEAD TO THIS CONFUSION
These differences and resulting confusion and conflicts are created by our childhood programming about men, women and the relationships between them. Some of those messages were received through statements we had heard but mostly by observing our parents and other role models.
Some of the negative conclusions about relationships might be:
1. It is a solution for our basic needs.
2. It is the purpose of life.
3. It gives us self-worth and social acceptance.
4. One loses one's freedom.
5. It is a contest of wills.
6. One will suppress the other.
7. We cannot be ourselves.
8. The other might cheat on us.
9. We might be abandoned.
10. A person alone cannot be safe and secure.
11. A person alone is not socially acceptable.
12. I must protect my freedom from my partner.
13. I must prove I am right and the other is wrong.
14. I must control the other so I will not be controlled.
15. I am not worthy of love.
16. I am not enough to keep the other.
17. If the other knows me well enough, he or she will not want to be with me.
18. If the other loved me, he/ she would always do what I want or need.
19. I will be the victim in a relationship.
20. I must be better than wife / husband.
21. Close relationships are difficult.
22. I might be hurt by the other.
23. I will have to sacrifice my needs for the other.
And many others.
We can imagine how such beliefs will undermine our relationships. We need to free ourselves from such negative perceptions that form our reality. This will require work on our subconscious programmings, as described in The Psychology of Happiness, and usually requires professional guidance.
Until such a time when we can make this inner transformation, we will benefit from the following positive perceptions. They can be written, reflected upon or implanted into the subconscious in the state of deep relaxation. The numbers preceding the following positive beliefs are created in relationship to the same numbers in the above list of negative beliefs.
Some of the positive conclusions about relationships might be
1. A relationship is an opportunity for evolution into love and freedom from the ego.
2. It is a means toward purpose of life.
3. Our self-worth and security are within us and not a result of being in a relationship.
4. I am free as long as I love.
5. Relationships are opportunities to merge our will with the other and create a greater reality.
6. Each will support and inspire the other.
7. We can be ourselves when we are free from fear.
8. The other will respect and love me.
9. I deserve lasting love and respect.
10. I am safe and secure even when I am alone.
11. I am socially acceptable exactly as I am - even alone.
12. My partner and I respect each other's freedom.
13. I need not prove I am right - love attracts love.
14. We allow each other the freedom to be ourselves.
15. I am worthy of love and respect exactly as I am.
16. I am quite enough to keep the other.
17. If the other knows me well enough, he or she will want to be with me even more.
18. The other loves me even when he/ she cannot do what I want or need.
19. I create my own reality.
20. I am equal to my wife / husband.
21. Close relationships are beautiful.
22. I will never be hurt by the other. Only my own programmings can hurt me.
23. I sacrifice my needs out of love, but not out of fear or duty. |
