One very vital way we show that our spouse is important to us is by expressing appreciation. This saying has stayed with me since childhood, Mans good works are written on water and his bad ones on stone. In other words, theres a tendency to forget the good things a person does and focus on his mistakes and errors. It should be the other way round with you and your spouse. Think more about their good works and express appreciation for them more than complaining about their errors.
Women are more likely to express their feelings of lack of appreciation than men, but neither wives or husbands should be taken for granted. My husband tends to work more hours than I because of some financial challenges we had in the past. Hes also a pastor and so has a lot of responsibility to bear. So I try to take more of the household chores and the care of the children on board.
I remember when I was trying to run a home-based internet business from home and I was run off my feet maintaining the website, looking after my son, taking calls from customers, packaging and shipping items, responding to emails, etc. Generally all the things that go with running a business. I had to do all of this and still take care of my child at the same time. Many thought that since I was at home, things were quite easy for me. But it was really hard work. Much harder than what Im doing now working nine to five, Monday to Friday. Then I worked Monday to Sunday, till 8 pm most times. Sometimes my husband would come home and I would just be cooking dinner. He wasnt always too happy about it at the time and thought I was slacking. Now, I will admit that Im not the best of housekeepers but then I was really trying to juggle a lot.
On discussing this one day, I asked him to try and imagine trying to work at the office, take calls while at the same time trying to make sure his baby son wasnt heard or it would spoil the corporate impression your business was presenting. It was tiring enough for him to come back home and attend to him after work, but I wanted him to understood how it was on my part having to do so throughout the day while working full time on the business. He also told me about the kind of pressures he was under at work along with the added responsibility of helping with the business after work doing the packaging, accounting, and some other business-related things.
At t he end of this heart-felt discussion where we both expressed our feelings about the efforts we were both making to move our lives forward, we realised one thing: we didnt really want to give up what we were already doing, but what we both wanted from the other was appreciation. I wanted him to understand the efforts I was making and appreciate it. He wanted me to see the pressure he was under at work and the financial sacrifices he was making towards the business and appreciate that. We did adjust some things though. I tried to make sure that I had dinner waiting for him more days than not, and he tried to spend some time with our son a little bit more after work.
But after that discussion, we started making more of a conscious effort to express gratitude for the things that we were both doing. Sometimes when he would come back home after doing a late night on Friday, and leaving again very early on Saturday to come back home in the evening to just rest for a short while before spending the night praying and preparing for Sunday service the next morning, I would go up to him and hug him and tell him well done for all his hard work. I always noticed that even though he would be bone-weary with fatigue, his eyes would brighten, his shoulders go up, and he would look at me and say an earnest, Thank you, dear to me. And those times when he would tells me that he really appreciates all the work I do in the house and with the children always infuses strength into me. I knew that I mattered and was important to his life and in the scheme of things. This practice has strengthened our relationshp no end and makes all the effort and hardwork worthwhile.
So look at your spouse and the things that they do. Focus more on their good deeds than bad ones. And then learn to say an earnest Thank you or Well done. Believe me, it goes a long way. |
